Its been quite some time since I posted last; time really flies when you are wondering through space and time with tunnel vision. The holiday survival guide is a theme that is all over the interwebs over this time of the year.
The holidays aren’t stressful for me anymore. I made a decision many years ago that I don’t need all the drama that the holidays create. I don’t care to spend weeks on end with family that all drive each other crazy and to hear the complaints about dry meat and runny chocolate mousse… and then to hear the complaints that always end in; “This is the last time I am doing Christmas”, only to play that all back 12 months later. I just don’t care for that company enough to put myself through it. I certainly never did it for myself. Visiting family was never a holiday, it was an obligation. And I just didn’t want to do it anymore. For sure, I did visit later on, for a shorter time and when the drama was over and the dry meat was a distant memory.
What I did find amusing is how my son seems to be so honest about it. He said he isn’t a fan of family holidays (with his father and I) because its too much togetherness. I could not have said it better myself and absolutely no offence taken. I have never had the guts to admit it. Until recently, when my mother decided she wanted to come to visit in New Zealand and I found the guts to be honest to put a time limit on her stay with me for my own sanity.
Maybe it is because I am not particularly close with any of my family members, I am actually quite content to stay in touch via text message. Granted, I would love to see my brother and sister that I haven’t seen in way too many years. But we all live in different parts of the world and one fine day, that day will come. But it probably won’t be for Christmas and it won’t be for week’s on end either. And I don’t feel bad about it and I don’t think they do either.
I am not really sure of the point of all this, but I struggle to understand why the holidays need to be so stressful. We spend too much, eat too much, see too many people we don’t want to see and for what? To be thankful that it is over and for life to return to normal. If that is the case, why do it?
While I appreciate there are people who thrive on all the togetherness, who live like a family on a corn flakes advert, and that is just fantastic. But I wonder about those who don’t. The ones who have to survive and endure. To those who have trauma’s triggered. To those who actually don’t have the money to spend, but feel obliged to spend because you have to buy everyone a piece of shit gift and there are 50 people. I think it should be acceptable to tap out without judgement; to spend the holidays doing things that give them joy …
Like every year, we will be chilling at home. Doing things we love doing. And sometimes those things will be together and sometimes they won’t. How will we spend Christmas day? Like we do every year, a unit of 3 opening gifts we bought ourselves (because we know what we want and we choose how big we go for ourselves.. the boy child gets his gifts bought for him), the lads obliging and wearing the ugliest matching Christmas jumpers for the annual Family photo I insist on and eating a roast of sorts. I cook the meat, its seldom dry and if it is, no one complains!
Candice Peetz 